the other day to someone.
Horrible."I was just throwing it out there." Okay, then. Mind if I just fling the same shit right back at you?
Being referred to in mixed company as "you guys" as in "What would you guys like to drink?" by a chirpy transplanted Iowa waitress. My reply: "I would like water, but you'll have to address the women here as to their preference. Afterward, your tip will be a direct reflection of the number of times you utter that odious phrase during lunch today. May I suggest the adoption of 'Y'all" to your lexicon? It is both inclusive and highly functional and also adheres to regional standards."
The use of "amazing" by the Gen X,Y,Z or whatever generations. "That was an amazing lunch. My English Lit professor is amazing. The guys who helped me move the couch were amazing." The word means nothing now. In fact, you can now ascribe virtually anything to it. "The tick that adhered itself to my scrotum was amazing."
"Veggies." I don't eat "veggies." I eat beans, potatoes, broccoli, or whatever but not what they say in the Northeast.
"Grande" or whatever terms Starbucks wishes to apply to a cup that is either large or small. It's fun to frustrate their order takers by refusing to use their corporate jargon.
"Empower." Don't get me started. Same for "diverse." Those words, when used in collegiate recruiting material are there to gain or maintain a weird competitive stance with their competition and usually mean the exact opposite of their actual definitions.
"Thank you SO much." Okay, how much? If you're that damn thankful, I'll think of something else you can do, honey."
There's probably more.
5 comments:
Wow, that post was AMAZING!!!! Thank you sooooo much for empowering the side of my brain that controls laughter. It is going crazy right now. As a matter of fact, I'm going to come up with some irritating comments of my own, throw 'em out there and see what you guys think. One other thing, the diversity of topics presented on this website is really helping to make the blog top-notch. It really reaches me, way down deep...
Shellback has something that will "reach" you "way down deep." He's a Navy man, you know.
Always trust a man who speaks from experience instead of hearsay. That being said, I'll pass. Appreciate your throwing that out there, though...
Never tell a Navy man he's had too much to drink, because it's none of your God damned business.
Nimdok....Nimdok? Is that a name from one of your science fiction authors, Ron? Heinlein or Clarke?
Harlan Ellison. Character in "I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream".
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