College Football: Baptists Resurgent

Barking Carnival has an interesting piece on what's going on at Baylor (thanks, Ruprecht): http://www.barkingcarnival.com/closetojumping/baylor-briles-bowls.

I did my time at dear old Baylor, both undergrad and then went back to grad school after working a few years like a dog returning to lick up its own vomit. When I was a senior, they had a "college day" at the idiot, redneck high school I attended, complete with punch and cookies. The old man had expressly prohibited any thought of matriculating at the University of Texas, indicating that his son wasn't going to go to school with "a bunch of goddamn hippies." So, I figured based on the tight finances I'd wind up at that hotbed of campus spirit, the University of Houston and dutifully sat in at the Cougar High presentation. The old man also showed up and was entranced by the Baylor guy, due in large part to his relatively clean cut appearance which included a coat and tie and an actual haircut.

We did the UH tour, led about by a guy with an enormous afro, wearing a soiled army jacket and looking all the part of a Hughie Newton wanabee. Not real impressive. The next day, the folks drove me over to Waco. It was a classic fall day, slightly cool and crisp (it's Texas, let's not get carried away with ourselves) and they were entranced by the marble columns, the polite young people rushing about--most clad in traditional garments, and the overall atmosphere of the place. I was pretty much impressed solely with the cornucopia of righteous Grade A Select womanhood seemingly pouring out of every nook and cranny. It was a done deal right then and there.

The one thing about Baylor that people who didn't go there get wrong is the religious aspect. Sure, it's there; I showed up at the "Pre-School Baylor Retreat" thinking it was simply a chance to check in early and get a sense of the place, only to find out that it was a glorified revival put on by the Baptist Student Union. Panic quickly set in and I hid in my dorm room until everyone left for the afternoon session of hymn praising and personal testimonies. Peeking out my door into the hallway, I saw a guy down the hall doing the exact same thing. We then proceeded to shake hands and then spend the remainder of the retreat taking communion from Big O glasses at George's Bar. Afterwards, I think that I attended church one (1) time while at Baylor, and it was during my freshman year and no doubt in order to snag tail rather than hear anything regarding Canaanites. This isn't something that I say with pride, only that it is not only possible but highly practical not to have anything to do with religion at Baylor and more than a fair number of students seem to agree.

Oh, one other thing: Baylor then (and now) is highly tipped toward female undergraduates, and there is a substantial portion of these that fall into the "so good looking she has never taken a shit" category. Really, outstanding stuff. Combined with this fact is that the male population is comprised to a shocking degree with music majors, ministerial students, and outright nancy boys. To be brief, it's a target rich environment if your blood tends toward the color red. There's a lot to criticize regarding Baylor and I'm one of her harshest detractors. However, it's a highly friendly place, students there tend to fall on the optimistic side with little in the way of angst, and you can get a good education unless you spend your first year and a half blowing your GPA with idiot fraternity stuff prior to comprehending that studying tends to help with grades. Yeah, I forgot to do med school or become an asbestos lawyer, but it was fun all the same. It will be nice to see the Bears win a few games this fall, like they did in the old days when Grant was running the show. I'll be there to see a few of them this fall, flinging my green and gold about. Speaking of which, what hideous colors Baylor has, made even more horrible by the fact that no one seems to know what shade of green (or gold) is the official Baylor color. You'll see a an old guy in hunter green next to an old bat in kelley green next to Aunt Lolly in screaming yellow, alongside napping Uncle Edgar in faded-ass piss gold beside an idiot grandson in puke green. Goddamn, it's embarrassing. Then, there's the horrific Baylor songs, the awful band uniforms, the fact that no one in Waco outside of Baylor goes to the games or that tons of students head to Dallas for the weekend to hit Nieman's so you're most frequently out-attended by everyone you play. Terrible. But, Art Briles is sort of a new sheriff and some of those Baylor soccer dad types may actual show up this fall on Saturdays after of course first promising their wives a new minivan and that they won't ever, ever have to do that nasty sex thing that guys like.

Go Bears.