Post Up

Stephen Webb earns a polite and restrained golf clap for his little expose on how soccer is turning us into frogs: http://www.firstthings.com/onthesquare/?p=1329. It's mostly tongue in cheek but there's some element of truth to it. My kids once played soccer and it was to some degree tolerable to sit through the things. "Matches" they are called. I never entirely figured the "sport" out other than it was crudely similar to basketball in that the team was trying to move the ball up the "pitch" instead of the court in order to get the ball into the "goal." And, indeed, every two or three days, some team actually would get the ball into the net. I had to play tricks on myself to like the game whereas baseball and football and basketball were all sort of naturally likable; they at least seem objective and purposeful--maybe that's because I'm an American but they are easy to like and follow. Soccer always makes me think, "what's the point of it, anyway?" Really, couldn't the opposing fans just compete by singing their cherished team or national songs and letting judges gauge them on the merits of their fine tenor voices or witty verses and be done with it? Or, in America, the soccer moms could compete in both swimsuit and talent competitions to be judged by the soccer dads who aren't otherwise involved in following dutifully behind, pushing strollers and carrying the Popsicle cooler and orange wedges. Whatever the case, I don't have to go to soccer matches, anymore and I'm thankful for it. At the redneck, dumb ass high school I attended long ago, we didn't have soccer. You played football, basketball, baseball, and track. That was it. Oh, there was allegedly tennis but nobody ever actually saw the tennis players--they were terrified of being run down by an enraged football coach and press ganged onto the JV team for special teams duty. Now, schools have everything: lacrosse, wrestling, swimming, etc. I suppose that's good but I'm concerned that the further we get away from America's core sports, the closer we get to becoming Euro-weenies and not being able to build decent tanks. After all, it's a military fact that you can't kick ass with a Renault.