Fustercluck

Better writers than I have bemoaned the eroding driving skills of most of America's road warriors. Check that. "Eroding" might lead one to believe that most of today's drivers had at some point in time some measureable level of ability, a starting point if you will. Not a chance. Let's just go with "poor" instead. While we're at it, I guess I should rethink "skills" as well, for obvious reasons. How about "abilities"?

Aw hell, let's call it like it is - any bumbling idiot with an id card (doesn't necessarily have to be legit) can get a driver's license in the U.S. I'm pretty damn sure they don't go to the trouble to test people anymore, or even bother with drivers' ed. Why am I sure? Because there doesn't seem to be a single solitary commuter out there who has the slightest fucking clue what to do when they come to a 4-way stop, much less a major intersection with traffic lights that are on the blink (literally).

Happend to me at lunch today. Was on a large street - 7 lanes if you include the turn lane - and couldn't quite understand why traffic was at a standstill. Finally saw flashing red traffic lights at the intersection, way off in the distance, and realized my dreams of a relaxing lunch were shot. I knew this because I've been stuck "here" before, and could visualize the madness up ahead. First of all, I'd bet my left nut that fewer than 3 drivers in the mass of cars surrounding me knew that in the case of an intersection having 4 flashing red lights, the steps for determining right of way are the same as those governing a 4-way stop. Well, from what I saw today, the latest 4-way stop protocol has nothing to do with orderly rotation. No. It involves sticking the nose of your vehicle out into the intersection until everybody stops, then flooring it, quickly, never looking anywhere other than straight ahead. Another strategy includes drafting off the guy in front of you, i.e. when it's his turn (or more appropriately "when he takes a turn") it's your turn. Hell, I saw as many as four drafters in a row today. And if "Mr. Important and in a hurry" to you left jumps the gun, you'd better join him or risk losing your slot for at least 2 more rotations. Besides, he's got your back (well, side anyway). What do you got to lose?

It's basically 4-way chicken. Righteous good fun.