Why?

In "The River," why does Springsteen get a "wedding coat" on his nineteenth birthday but there's "no wedding dress" for Mary? What kind of fucked up shit is that? Some kind of New Jersey turnpike boardwalk crap? I don't understand. What the fuck is a wedding coat anyway? Does it have special pockets sewn in for rubbers and bottle openers or something? I didn't get a wedding coat. Matter of fact, I didn't get shit other than the plates and stuff that we received that go in these special containers that Mrs. Taras takes out whenever we're supposed to eat something that doesn't involve tortillas or cornbread. Happens every five years or so.

Why can't the United States Army design a decent looking dress uniform? They ditched the brown dress uniform of World War II days, especially the snappy Eisenhower jacket for the ugly ass green thing they've used since. Berets? Well, okay, but if you're going to copy the Euros, note the sharp shape of what the Brits wear compared to the clumsy contraption adopted by all army units. Note: the Marines have used pretty much the same kit for about a hundred years. It works pretty good--classic never goes out of style.

Why can't the auto makers install radios in their vehicles that have DIALS? What is so backward about the concept of a dial? And, I'm not picking on the Big 3 of Detroit either--my rice burner has a screwed up radio, too.

Why does any home improvement project involve at least three and more like five or six trips to Loew's or wherever to get the right parts? Is this simply because I'm an idiot or is it a cynical marketing ploy for increased purchases? Bastards.

Why can't Asian people drive? Oh, before you call me out as a knuckle dragger, look in the mirror and ask yourself if you've ever once witnessed a competent Asian driver. Pop that zit while you're at it.

Okay, why also are white guys driving big trucks mostly dickheads? Like that? Well, the ones that are contractors, anyway. They like to park with their ass end sticking out in the street like it's their right to screw up traffic because they're a CONTRACTOR. Then, they have this problem of having to slow down to thirty miles UNDER the speed limit whenever engaged in a cell phone conversation. Then, why also do the assholes refuse to return calls, lie about completion dates, and generally behave like jerks? I guess it's a job requirement.

And, why are so many spring days in Texas so perfect, so delicious, and so fleeting before the heat comes down? Maybe that's God's way of saying I'm going to throw you a bone before pounding your sorry ass all summer. Enjoy your weekend and fix a toilet or something. Buy a goddamn wedding coat while you're at it.