Inside the Lines

Eduardo "El Gato" Romero in happier times

Played in the pro-am portion of the just completed Insperity Senior PGA Championship at the TPC Woodlands outside of Houston.  For anyone wondering about what it's like or is thinking of playing in one themselves, here are some points to consider:
1. When you walk up to the range, remember pros to the right, amateurs to the left.  I tried to station myself to the farthest left possible in order to minimize the chance of shanking one into Curtis Strange and him spontaneously combusting due to his well known red ass factor.  I think I actually saw steam coming off his head while he was talking to his caddie; probably about some infraction involving an improperly cleaned five iron.
2. On the putting green, I found myself next to one of the greatest putters of all time, the "Boss of the Moss," Loren Roberts.  All I could think of was to not strike a misguided, idiotic putt into his line.  I then struck a misguided, idiotic putt straight into Mark O'Meara's line and...into his ball.    I thought about going off and sitting under a tree somewhere for the next six hours away from good and decent people, something the B60 putter I was "using" wouldn't have minded a bit.
3. On the number one tee box, it's advisable not to snap hook your drive into the pines on a dogleg right par four.  Outstanding start, Red Team, outstanding.  I did, however avoid vomiting, so I had that going for me.
4. Not sure hitting approximately 37,000 chips the week before worked out all that well as my first attempt at such in the tournament skipped merrily across the green and into the rough on the other side.  Fortunately, the professional we were with (Eduardo "El Gato" Romero) knew to avert his eyes whenever I engaged in anything resembling a chip or putt.  Smart man, El Gato.
5. You're playing in front of fans who are there to see the pros but are also forced to endure amateurs hacking their way around the course.  It's awful for everyone involved no matter how much you imagine yourself as invisible after clanking some grotesque shot off yet another random conifer.  The good ones all seem to come when everyone is at the concession stand or scratching themselves or something. 
6. I did shoot better than the pro on a couple of holes which meant I wouldn't later have to shoot myself in the parking lot.  It's the small things...

Neither the B60, nor I could look at one another after the round

7. Romero ended up coming in third in the rain shortened tournament that was called on Sunday.  Must have been due to all of those great swing thoughts he got from watching me.  Not.