Little Green Fairies

No, no, I'm not about stir the possibility of gay marriage amongst those of extraterrestrial origin into the already putrid stew that is the recent public/political discourse surrounding legalized unions of happy people. Maybe another time.

Today's lesson has to do with Absinthe, the until-recently-banned-in-most-civilized-countries hallucinogen masquerading as a distilled beverage. Now legal, the NYT recently had a nice piece about Le Fee Verte, or the Green Fairy: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/13/dining/reviews/13wine.html?em.

As you have probably surmised by now, Absinthe is usually some godawful shade of green - you know, the same color that kept you from trying lima beans for the first time until 3:00 a.m., when it became quite clear that mom wasn't just whistlin' Dixie when she said you couldn't leave the table until you ate every bite. Sadly, such natural reluctance to try something that looks so awful doesn't translate to alcoholic beverages such as Absinthe. If it did, you would have huge drop off in UFO sightings near establishments that serve such stuff.

Which is another way of saying that the Green Muse is also much more than just an aperitif or happy hour cocktail. The author of the above piece and others try to clean up the drink's image, saying that Absinthe's legendary "effects" (which probably have as much to do with the drink's nickname as its color) are no more than the result of high alcohol content. I know better, and I speak from experience.

I have been know to occasionally join up with a few like-minded buddies to travel across the big waters for the purpose of soaking in some of the Old World's culture, sights, history, and - more importantly - alcohol (hey, most of us are married). In the course of hitting every beer joint and bar that we are able, I have seen most of my traveling companions after a hard night of "sampling" and know how they react to a bit of overindulgence - exhaustion, silliness, increased intelligence, the usual stuff. Never had I seen depravity, anger or violence until we wondered into an Absinthe Bar in Barcelona a couple of years ago. Wild night - ended up that evening - well, me and 4 other guys - trying to restrain a guy bent on beating the living shit out of everyone he saw, including us. Also spent the wee hours of the morning explaining to hotel management why every guest was awake at 4:30 a.m., complaining about the madman on the fourth floor who was screaming - not very nice stuff, btw - at the top of his lungs. Suffice to say we were out of the hotel by 9:00.

So there you have it. Next time you find yourself a little short on bathtub crank or PCP, give ol' Eau de Wormwood a shot. Hey, it's legal.

Some Economic Ramblings

Price Fishback (WTF?) says we're not going to end up eating road kill in this short, to the point analysis of the current economic woes: http://freakonomics.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/05/11/this-is-not-another-great-depression/?pagemode=print.

I was never any good in economics. I think I made A's and B's in undergrad but it was a struggle. In grad school, microeconomic theory came pretty close to deep sixing me--I hated that class then and I hate the son of a bitch today. Goddamn, I hated it. After I made it out, I was rummaging around in the little storeroom of my first house and saw the textbook for that class lying on a shelf. Right then and there, I decided that it was time for Mr. Microeconomics Smarty Pants to get a return lesson. The book, all classic and scholarly looking found itself sitting upright next to a mesquite tree on a friend's ranch--I'm sure it thought, "why the awful field trip to this god forsaken cactus infested place?" right up to the point where it saw me standing about fifty yards away with a Remington 700, chambered with 150 grain 30.06 Federal bullets. "You're a long way from goddamn Cambridge, now, aren't you motherfucker?" were the last words the son of a bitch ever heard. As an old cowboy once told me, "There's just some things that need killing."

For the record, a 30.06 will kill a micro textbook. I shot it three times for good measure.

Out of Port

Some ramblings on Port: http://www.thesmartset.com/article/article05050901.aspx. I like port okay and get into a port mood, usually during the winter when I decide to do some reading in the room in our house where I'm normally not allowed to enter--you know, the nice living room that the missus has all of the nice furniture and decorative shit where you entertain some friend of hers and the friend's nerd husband once or twice a year over coffee after a goddamn dinner that would never f----g end. Yes, so I go in there and read something about the Marines storming Iwo or Texas Rangers chasing Comanches or some medieval era blood bath; all over a stiff glass of port. I've never been able to figure out what a "good" port is, so I've ended up buying stuff that's not the cheapest, but certainly not high dollar. Also, unlike the picture of traditional port drinkers, I usually guzzle at least three whiskey tumblers of it breaking all sensible port etiquette along the way. Now, after reading this piece I at least know that I can score points whenever I'm confronted by a snooty waiter with a stern inquiry as to why his establishment is not serving an '85 Fonseca or at least a '94?

Right now though in this part of the country, we're way past talking port or really anything that doesn't come cold and quick. It's ice cooler time.

Gemma Redux

Calm down, degenerates--here's another one for you. Should tide you over for the weekend.

Hanson on Republican Demise

Victor Davis Hanson is a good writer--I'd recommend his "Carnage and Culture" book highly. He also pens some stuff for the NR site, this time weighing in on how the Republicans lost their edge and offering up some things they may want to consider doing: http://article.nationalreview.com/?q=YTE0MGY1Y2Y0NDUxNzdkNzk4ZWI4OGQ2YzA4YzA4YzE=&w=MQ. He says they really lost their mojo and credibility when they forfited their economic bearings and behaved like free spenders. No argument there. He also mentions an inability to "articulate" their message. Hanson is being kind here--what he really means is that Bush couldn't talk his way out of a paper sack. Beyond the capitulation on spending, Bush failed (I think) because he could not inspire and convince; a Ronald Reagan he was not. You need that in a president, regardless of party. Whether you agree with him or not, that's what Obama brings to the table, in spades and why he will have staying power as president and again as his party's nominee in 2012. He'll stumble, he'll screw up, he'll head down wrong paths but the guy can explain himself and he can inspire both his base and those beyond it. If the Republicans want to get back into the game, they'll need to identify candidates that can do the same. Right now, I can't think of who they have that would be able to stack up to Obama. Palin comes closest in terms of just pure star quality but her gravitas (haven't heard that word in a while, have you?) comes into play.

I met Ronald Reagan once in the Waco Hall men's room. There was no tapping involved.

More Baseball Stuff

Here's a preview of the upcoming Houston versus San Diego series that I did for SnS: http://www.spikesnstars.com/2009/05/08/team-going-to-hell-padres-needed/. For you soccer types, Houston is not playing well (shocking) and there's some unhappiness with management. Lots of inside references, so let me know if you need a translation.

Bosom News

I thought about titling this, "Busted" but thought better of it: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1178499/BRA-VO-Victory-women-Mail-M-S-axes-big-bust-surcharge.html. Big busted gals in England got mad because bra manufacturers were charging more for their sizes due to "extra material and engineering." None of my business what goes on over there but I do appreciate some of their finer imports, notably the lovely and talented Ms. Gemma Atkinson. Happy Friday.