Enough Already

Holden works at The Onion:
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/bunch_of_phonies_mourn_j_d?utm_source=slate_rss_1

Speaking of Jihadists...

Don't know if this should go under "Why We Fight" or "Why We Should Just Nuke the Whole Damn Region And Call It A Day"
http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2010/01/28/afghan-men-struggle-sexual-identity-study-finds/.

We report. You decide--after losing your lunch.

Salinger.....Dead.

Salinger finally kicked the bucket. Here's a pretty good obit by the WSJ:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704878904575031273026569184.html?mod=WSJ_hps_MIDDLESecondNews. Another interesting one from the NYT that you knuckle draggers probably can't read: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/29/books/29salinger.html?hp=&pagewanted=all. Not a surprise to anyone what a strange, miserable old bastard he was. Still, "Catcher" stands as a great read and you could hear that voice in a lot of later writers. Hell, the cadre of kickassers at National Lampoon during it's 1970-1980 heyday channelled him perfectly.

State of the Union

Here's Gutfeld's take:
http://dailygut.com/. I heard a little of Chris Matthews afterward on MSNBC as he and Keith Olbermann were telephonically fellating one another (Rachel Maddow was apparently out of the room surfing the Subaru site). Matthews said that it took him a while during the speech last night to remember that Obama was an African American--I guess that's something that Chris needs to recall at all timeshttp://www.foxnews.com/politics/2010/01/28/chris-matthews-saying-forgot-obama-black-state-union/?test=faces He also chastised the Republicans in that not one of the forty or so of them was/is willing to cross the aisle to get things done. Uh, aren't there sixty or so Democrats that also aren't willing to cross the aisle? I guess aisle crossing only works one way.

The Secret Lives of Jihadists

Seems they're not good at fixing breakfast or at wet dreams:
http://chronicle.com/article/Before-Martyrdom-Breakfast/63689/. The scene of addled terrorists squatting in a remote cave, attempting to get a kerosene stove to work is, I think, the essential problem that confronts the civilized world (or what's left of it) in its confrontation with Muslim fanatics. They can loiter about in some forsaken crevice, occasionally taking a break to molest a boy or beat a woman while the West (the United States Military along with a handful of Euro supply personnel) expends its treasure in idling engines and pouring concrete. They're quite content to go on doing something that their ancestors have done in similar circumstances with the British and the Soviets and it's really quite easy to pull off. They have the time--it's not like their lives are going to amount to anything--they only live for earthly vengeance and virgins in paradise and become stimulated at the prospect of both. The funny thing about the whole 72 virgins in paradise deal of theirs is that recently, some Euro experts on the Koran and Arabic have recently translated some early texts dating to the time of Mohammad and have discovered that it wasn't virgins at all that was referenced in paradise, but grapes. Outstanding, Omar: for all of your troubles in blowing yourself and others apart in some idiotic murder, your heavenly reward is a pile of grapes. Dickhead.

EDSBS

You can't stop them. No, you can only hope to contain them:
http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/. Brilliance.

Otherwise, here's a completely gratuitous photo of a girl holding a football. I didn't have a steak handy.

When There Was Johnny

Another good piece that appeared in the WSJ, this time by Johnny Carson's head writer:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704509704575018971229409124.html. There are now a helluva lot of adults who never saw Carson, much less had the surety of knowing that whatever else that was going on, the Tonight Show would kick off at 10:30pm and you would be entertained. Instructive is how Carson went about his business after Joan Rivers sucker punched him. What a hideous broad.

NQ Gets Their Man

Fascinating piece by David Perel, editor of the National Enquirer, which describes in exquisite detail the walking snake that is John Edwards:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704509704575019123220714044.html. Once again, those journalistic infidels at NQ drive their F-250s down the hallowed halls of the mainstream press, most notably when it comes to uncomfortable facts regarding a figure that shares the same political sensibilities. Does anyone doubt what would have occurred had John McCain behaved similarly to Edwards? The NYT would have had their entire staff on him 24/7 and Keith Olbermann would have experienced those six hour erections that the Cialis ads warn about. Anyway, good job, NQ. My mother was right all along.

Cavett Meets The Duke

Here you go:
http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/01/22/awesome-and-then-some/. Not groundbreaking to say there will never be another Duke Wayne. One funny story I heard was when he pissed in Ward Bond's whiskey flask while aboard John Ford's yacht, forever endearing him to the dictatorial director. Bond was not that amused.

Saints to the Promised Land

Saints win:
http://www.slate.com/id/2242439/. They proved that luck most often triumphs over good, especially when good comes with five or so turnovers. No, the Saints might not have been on par with Minnesota, but they had their moments, didn't do as much ball coughing, and beat the living shit out of Brett Favre, who looked every bit like a forty something year old man playing tackle football at the end. I could be full of it, but I think the reason he didn't run for the sure ten yard pickup and solid field goal position on the last Viking drive was because he was plain dog ass whipped. Instead, he threw the textbook, "WHAT THE HELL IS FAVRE DOING!?" pass to a waiting Saints defender and the rest is New Orleans history, right next to the Loosiana Purchase and the invention of go cups. So glad I'm not a Vikings fan--they'll spend a good ten or so years in purgatory trying to exercise that golden memory. They'll get an extra twelve weeks of winter. The sun won't shine. Packer fans will prank call them 24/7. A lot of 'em will throw themselves down ice fishing holes or quit being Lutherans.

Julia Roberts, Officially Unpleasant

This confirms what I like to think of Julia Roberts:
http://www.wwtdd.com/2010/01/julia-roberts-is-a-complete-bitch/. If true, she's the awful, shallow, style over substance hideous windbag that every instinct of mine says she is. The only thing that makes her slightly less than completely insufferable is that the Democrats control everything--when the R's had a semblance of power, she bitched continuously about how they were eating babies and taking group shits in Walden's pond or wherever. Also, she was one of the first of the celebrity tramp stampers. That thing is probably down to her butt crack by now.

Next week's topic: Why Joy Behar should be beaten with a large board and fed to seals.

Gametime

For football watchers, particularly those interested in the NFL, this will be the Sunday of the gridiron season, with back to back conference titles on the line. The WSJ has an interesting take on the games:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703699204575016992394256202.html#mod=todays_us_weekend_journal.

I'm looking forward to them and put Mrs. Bulba on notice days ago not to expect anything resembling cooperative behavior during the entirety of the process. However, that won't be the case during the upcoming Super Bowl, as I discovered the other day when information arrived regarding a charity deal we're signed up for that involves daughter #2 getting all dressed up and being presented--you know, that kind of deal. Casually looking at it, I suddenly saw that THE DATE AND THE TIME WERE EXACTLY THE SAME AS THE GODDAMN SUPER BOWL. You can guess the number of bad words that were quickly and loudly expressed at this revelation. "Who in the wide world of shit would schedule this during, oh, one of the biggest events in the world where the ENTIRE GODDAMN NATION AND MUCH OF THE WORLD IS TUNED IN TO WATCH IT?" So, I made inquiries. Seems that the scheduler, obviously not someone who will live much longer if about 500 fellow male victims have anything to do with it, thought the date would be a "welcome respite from the post holiday season blues" and that having it on a Sunday evening would be a "fun" and "different." What will be certainly fun and different is choosing which vehicle and what kind of rope will be used to drag her sorry carcass through a remote South Texas cactus patch. Damn, I'm pissed about it. Apparently, though, I'm not the only one whining about it as the missus says that the charity committee has received so many calls (and death threats) that they have arranged for fifteen big screen televisions to be set up throughout the ballroom. Won't be enough, though. They should also allow the men to wear whatever raggedy ass shit they were going to have on while sitting comfortably in front of their or a friends TV, while also providing old couches and Igloo ice chests full of beer. Then, maybe we would talk about not making the rope knots too tight.

The Primacy of Beer

Seems that maybe early man wasn't so much interested in pan frances. No, it was beer:
http://www.spiegel.de/international/zeitgeist/0,1518,668642,00.html.

The description of cave dudes discovering the effects of fermented fruit reminds of an episode many years ago where my father in law had been given a large pickle jar of Mexican white lightning from a rancher somewhere in Nuevo Leon. It was awful to look at: discolored with an awful assemblage of rotted fruit and other unidentified matter (maybe small mammals?) in the bottom of the jar. Anyway, that didn't stop him or a collection of various sons in law and other male miscreants from sitting around a table under a big mesquite and getting completely slammed on the stuff. I mean, righteously hammered. The female relatives were not amused, attempting to shame and scold us to the best of their abilities, but it wasn't enough to overcome the sheer power of that liquid. We just went on giggling a lot and rolled around when we would try to get up and even sang songs that we didn't even know we knew. Not something you want to do every day, I guess but we could have been hanging drapes.

I liked what Franklin said about beer; something along the lines of, "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." Words to live by.

Hump Day: Stuck in January Edition

About ready for some warmer weather. Maybe in a hammock.

Random Neuron Firings

1. Bizarre spin on why Brown took the Kennedy Hereditary Senate Seat, blaming it on voters angry at Republicans or Bush or anything other than a possible valid reason.

2. Tuned into MSNBC last night and watched Olbermann and the lesbian chick (sorry, Rachel Maddow). Label O'Reilly, Limbaugh, etc. as jerks or whatever you wish, but no one on this planet holds a candle to the level of pure vile and awfulness that is Keith Olbermann. No one.

3. Lots of soul searching by the Dems and hollering and hobnail boot stomping by the R's. The Dems and Obama overplayed their hand as is now obvious. The R's are surely going to overplay theirs in the coming weeks. Liebermann will probably switch to a "yes" vote on the health care bill just to fuck with everybody.

4. Patricia Neal is 84 today. Great actress and they don't have Hollywood gals like her anymore. Here's a fairly recent interview of sorts with her:http://www.mvmagazine.com/article.php?20758.

5. Yesterday was Robert E. Lee's birthday and the local NAACP hack was upset that state workers could elect to take off Tuesday for "Confederate Heroes Day." They also interviewed the local SCV president and he was pretty thoughtful and well spoken, indicating that he would like to "invite" the NAACP guy to "become educated" regarding the role of the Confederacy in the state's history. I have an application to join the SCV on my desk that I've been pushing around for a while. Maybe I should join--my great, great grandfather was in Lee's Army of Northern Virginia. Don't know really what purpose it would serve other than getting a lapel pin I won't wear and eliminating me from consideration for running for public office. I don't know--guess I'll push it around some more.

6. Watched "In Cold Blood" again the other night on TCM. Pretty damn good telling of the excellent Capote book. If ever there was an example of perfect casting and flawless execution, it's Robert Blake as one of the two killers. Astoundingly great performance. A fine, fine movie. Of course, Blake went on to top it all off by actually killing his estranged wife in real life (allegedly). But, unlike the movie, he didn't get hanged in Kansas.

7. Stayed at the Hotel Palomar in Dallas last weekend. I recommend it. Lots of cool, nice touches throughout the place.

8. Leonard(o) DiCaprio said that Scorcese is like Shakespeare and Mozart, among others. I like Scorcese's movies but Mr. DiCaprio suffers from artistic idiocy, a malady inflicting most of his ilk. "GoodFellas" is excellent. "Raging Bull," is less entertaining but damn impressive. I liked, "Gangs of New York," too. Scorcese thinks that "The Searchers" is the greatest movie ever done. Me, too. Come to think of it, Scorcese is a Mozart. Sorry, Leonard, carry on. Let's do lunch.

9. Read where Dennis Hopper is in the final stages of terminal cancer (prostate, I think). Too bad--I liked him. If you haven't seen it, take in "Red Rock West" sometime. A very good little movie that has excellent pacing. Hopper turns in his usual stellar work.

Dog News

Interesting article about feral dog behavior in Moscow:
http://www.ft.com/cms/s/2/628a8500-ff1c-11de-a677-00144feab49a.html. Pretty smart animals, these Russian dogs. They seem to be the chess players that their Rushkie human counterparts are.

I do know one thing from observing a host of dogs, particularly my own pet dogs through the years; they are master opportunists when it comes to food. My current ugly dog (pictured here on high alert) has expertly calculated any and all potential food opportunities as to time, place, particular human, and food source in question. Example; she understands that certain bowls, plates, etc. tend to mean certain foods that she does and does not like and will act accordingly as does the time of day and person involved. She knows that I'm in a hurry when I stop by at lunch time to grab something and will not bother to interrupt her midday break from security detail. At dinner, she knows who is more likely to "drop" something and is on the spot for rapid response. The greatest moments in her life are the rare occasions when she's gifted a bone and will not deviate attention away from it until she's communed and savored it for three or four hours--it's a big, big deal with her. Maybe that's one of the reasons people like dogs--they are immediately appreciative of food and the dining experience. Cats, they don't really give a lot of feedback in that regard. They will steal your breath, though.

North Korean Jeans

Three sometimes sober Swedes decide to have the North Koreans make jeans for them:
http://www.spiegel.de/international/business/0,1518,670826,00.html. Pretty much what you would expect--weird jeans and odd looking Swedish guys just sort of fit.

Happy Friday: Wet and Wild Edition

Raining outside--it's important to towel off properly.

Have a drier weekend.

Goldberg on the Kennedy Seat

Shellback pointed this out to me:
http://article.nationalreview.com/?q=NmQzM2YwNDJjZjA3NjgwY2RhMGZmOGVkNGJhYTYxM2U=, Jonah Goldberg's column on the race in Massachusetts for the hereditary Kennedy senate seat now threatened by some hideous Republican reptile who never reads the Sunday NYT. Funny guy, Goldberg. Also, one of the seven or eight Jews in the United States that apparently doesn't punch a straight Democratic ballot. One of the others works out at the JCC where I do and had a sticker on his car bumper during the last election that read, "Another Jew for McCain." Used to make me laugh when I saw it, wondering where indeed was that other Jew? Not a lot of red state types at the J, except for a few goyem here and there--even most of them are into purple and demanding gym staff remove, REMOVE Fox News from the one television set tuned to it (have seen it happen).

Yeah, Ted's gone and they apparently can't dig up one coherent Kennedy to replace him. The others seem always addled or trying to get an annulment or something. Caroline made a brief foray for the New York gig but threw in the towel after missing one too many lunches at the Russian Tea Room. So, Ted's gone, they're going rogue in Bahstun, and Orin Hatch never, ever did get that invite to a Kennedy Compound touch football game. He would have fumbled the damn ball, anyway.

VDH on the Phony War, Then and Now

Victor Davis Hanson offers some historical context to what we're currently doing:
http://article.nationalreview.com/?q=NjNkYWM2OWU3MzFlZTJhZWZiY2I3NTllMGQ2YmY2ODk=&w=MA==. Hanson probably rubs a lot of people the wrong way but he does bring up some interesting analogies. I liked his book, "Carnage and Culture." Call me a reactionary--I've been called worse. Just don't call me after ten. That usually means the shit has hit the fan somewhere, directly translating into old dad pulling out his checkbook. Or, it just means that one of his friends is drunk and saw a woman's naked torso. Maybe not in a magazine.

Hump Day: Thawing Out Edition

Damn cold this last week. Sometimes, you just don't want to get out of the sack.

Avatar Update

James Cameron doesn't watch Friday night's Hunting and Fishing Report:
http://bighollywood.breitbart.com/jjmnolte/2010/01/13/james-cameron-like-the-redneck-nra-supporters-they-are/. People keep telling me to go see the movie; it seems they are enthralled by the visuals. These same folks either don't look for much in story lines (that's not completely a bad thing) or don't see CBS or MSNBC as having any type of bias, unlike the obvious mouth breathers at Fox. From what I can tell, Avatar is a little like Dancing With Wolves in its depiction of the alien civilization as being at one with whatever nature they're in, unlike the hideous militarists of these United States. Essentially, the Marines take over for the US Cavalry in terms of using beautiful sketches of noble savages for ass wiping. I'll probably end up seeing it but I do notice what I think are biases in films, etc. so a little teeth gritting will commence. Maybe I should throw down some Jack Black in the theater parking lot beforehand, while tossing some Wal-Mart bags and NRA paraphernalia about the place. Shoot a possum--anything's possible.

I take in some films (not, movies) at a complex sort of near my house that features more of the art house stuff and you hear the funniest shit there. Last time, the guy standing ahead of me announced to the ticket seller FOR ALL THE WORLD TO HEAR (making their grievances known is a big thing with these folks) that he wouldn't give his name for their email list because it is "a well known fact that the owner of the theater is a Republican." Yes, he said that. I guess the owner, like any dutiful, reptilian Republican faithfully reports such information to a bunker complex in Oklahoma run by the sinister forces (I know, redundant when referring to the R's) of the party which feeds this to a sophisticated enemies list that Dick Cheney jerks off to when he's not bayoneting pandas (that was sort of a Falkneresque sentence, only without negro dialect) . They become visibly angry at the US Army recruiting commercial that appears prior to the movie previews, obviously objectionable to their advanced sensibilities and mindful of the remnants of the military industrial complex constructed under BusHitler. They're also big into layering and they seem to like anything resembling cold weather--you can wear all that Whole Earth Provision Company shit you bought, which necessarily includes a scarf of some type and purple shoes (men and women). Lots of berets and those round, John Lennon type eyeglasses (I think you must see the world differently when wearing them, or something.). You can probably count the red state trash in the audience on one hand. If the guy owning the joint really was a Republican, he'd seize on the obvious money making opportunity by playing Le Revolutionaire at showtime. Reminds me of that great line in Kelly's Heroes when Rickle's character suggests that Eastwood "make a deal" with the German officer guarding the bank. "Maybe the guy's a Republican."

Target Practice

Submitted without comment:
http://gawker.com/5447028/next-time-youre-having-an-orgy-with-guns-make-sure-theyre-not-loaded

Joan

A review of a new book on Joan of Arc:
http://www.tnr.com/book/review/the-believer. Good and bad, it seems--good on the details of the trial, bad on fleshing out the historical context. Fascinating figure, Joan. She certainly had her own clarity of vision and being able to seize power and spur on a nation is no small thing, especially given the time. Hard to think of a gal like her. If you ever get the opportunity, watch Theodor Dreyer's, "La Passion de Jeanne D'Arc." It's a silent film made in '28 and Maria Falconetti who plays Joan is damn right both startling and spooky to watch. I think that Dreyer did a fantastic job of capturing what I perceive to be the aura of the time--it's both stark and coldly naked in what must have been the setting of a medieval interrogation. It's made even more effective by the cast of characters he employs--these are clearly Northern Europeans and you just don't see faces and heads like these walking around in Dalhart or Luling. Of course, I was sort of drunk while watching it and it was late one night while flipping through channels and stumbling upon the thing on TCM. Okay, watch if you're buzzed and the wife has conked out and Emmanuelle isn't on Showtime. Carry on.

Juicy Bits

Fox provides a brief survey of the new book, "Game Change," detailing the idiocy of the 2008 presidential campaign:
http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2010/01/11/bombshell-account-campaign-juicy-bits/. I don't know anyone on the knuckle dragger side of the political spectrum that finds any of this shocking. On the other hand, it seems a lot of pinkos are doing some hand wringing after learning of the revelations. Of course, this is reported by Fox, so you know they are lying, LYING being the capitalist running dogs they are, wearing those tacky American flag lapel pins and stuff. Anyway, if you're keeping score here's how the inning played out:

1. John Edwards is a lying sack of shit.

2. Mrs. Edwards is a deranged bitch that should be kept off of tarmacs.

3. Bill Clinton likes him some strange. Yeah, baby.

4. Hillary Clinton has no hold on Bill's dick (yes, that's both literal and figurative). She'll also cut your balls off or knife out your ovaries if you cross her.

5. Obama is a clean black man with little or no perceptible negro dialect to speak of.

6. Joe Biden speaks in tongues.

7. Sarah Palin didn't read much of the Durant series on civilization and has never had bulgoki or kimchi.

8. Mrs. McCain is apparently a big fan of Lexington Steele.

9. Senator McCain is mainlining Cialis.

There's more but that will get you to the top of the second. The score remains, Washington, D.C. 9, America, 0.

Tommy T at the Double T

Tuberville's first press conference goes swimmingly:
http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2010/01/11/tommy-tuberville-answers-a-few-questions/#more-14155. The annual coaching mix master is in full process with ramifications all the way down to Pop Warner football and a random butterfly in Ecuador. Makes me wonder what happens to all of the coaching swag when these guys shoot the coop to another destination. Especially, with a guy like Mangino after Kansas bumped him. Who in the hell out there needs some really good Jayhawk Nike shit in a XXXXXX? Does that stuff go to West Africa along with the other garage sale t-shirts? Will there be a guy in Cape Town sporting a nifty red and black Rick Leach Dry-Fit golf shirt? Get back to me on that.

Bible Stories

Just trying to get the week started right, with a little scriptural study, including all time favorite, Onan the Spiller:
http://killingthebuddha.com/mag/kamasutra/adam’s-family-jewels/. And, you thought you were the only one to have pulled out.

Hitchens on Vidal

Hitchens takes down Vidal; no, he really just sticks a fork in him:
http://www.vanityfair.com/politics/features/2010/02/hitchens-201002?printable=true. I've thought Vidal as pathetic for a long time--lounging about in his Italian villa or wherever with the fawning Tim Robbins and Susan Sarrandons of the world jetting in to take aperitifs and smirk approvingly at his carnival act of America loathing. Now, he does that at college campuses in a sort of tag team act with fellow wallower, Chomsky. His act appeals to those predisposed to thinking and assuming the worst of their country, or Western culture in general. The kind of people that really should be herded into work camps or at least to a Cuban or Venezualan sugar cane collective in order to live out their Utopian fantasies of a worker's paradise.

Hump Day: Belated and Broke Down Edition

Sorry. In lieu of coffee, maybe this will help. She doesn't seem to mind the cold.

Gametime

National Championship tonight and the end to the holiness that is the college football season, excepting the crapfest all-star game abortions, which are sort of like the gnostic gospels if you crystal fondlers out there are keeping score. EDSBS, of course, is in with a hilarious take on UT:
http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2010/01/07/everyday-should-be-bamaday-why-you-should-root-against-texas/#more-14115.

Hope it's a great game. Hard to top the Texas/USC match up after the '05 season but you never know. Highly attractive coeds at both schools so we should be safe from the fluorescent orange clad walrus closeups of the Boise State faithful.

Big D

Some fascinating reads among the "35 biggest" stories pertaining to Dallas in these here modern times:
http://www.dmagazine.com/Home/D_Magazine/2010/January/The_35_Biggest_Moments_in_Modern_Dallas_History.aspx. I especially liked Hanson's summation of the SMU-gate scandal. Shellback will no doubt be enchanted by Jerry Jones telling of the Cowboys purchase. Link sent to me courtesy of former classmate and alleged heterosexual, Lah Held (Larry Herold, to you).

Speaking Plainly

Bret Stephens gets it right:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB30001424052748703580904574637921764041330.html. Until we stop the silliness, we'll continue to run around in circles while the boy molesting Muslims who currently define that way of life throw one wrench after another in our direction. Speaking of which, I caught a National Geographic program on the Koran last night which did nothing but solidify the notion that we're dealing with a people stuck in the 7th century with neanderthal powers of reasoning. Oh, the political correct types at NG went out of their way with the "religion of peace" stuff but it could not overcome the grinding reality of the backwardness of the whole Islam thing. Those scholars who have attempted to apply the same critical textual analysis of the Koran (like that done with Christianity and Judaism) have to appear on camera with their names changed and faces concealed--Muslims cannot harbor any thought that runs contrary to the belief that the Koran was directly dictated by Allah.

We've got to stop dancing around this thing and call a spade a spade. Further, the Muslims who have chosen to live under the bounty that this country provides have an obligation to speak out loudly and frequently against the aggression that now defines their religion and to go above and beyond to defend and support their adopted homeland. If they don't, they should pack it up and put an end to the hypocrisy they're living.

Bowl Report

EDSBS weighs in on the TCU/Boise State Semi-Suckfest:
http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2010/01/05/curious-index-1509/. Seconded. Never saw so many unflattering crowd/band/pep squad shots in a single sitting. Only a few glances at attractive TCU coeds saved it from going from simple retching to projectile vomit on the wife's new drapes status. The Boise State "women" on display were particularly interesting in their singular success at convincing every college bound 18 year old male in these United States to go anywhere, ANYWHERE but Idaho for proper matriculation and boob fondling. Not a pretty sight. Awful doesn't do it justice, and that was captured beautifully by the Fox trailer deciding ON MULTIPLE OCCASIONS to feature the large, manatee like performers of the Bronco Pom-Pom squad. It was sort of like the aversion scene in "A Clockwork Orange" missing only the eye bondage equipment. Horrible and I made audible scream-moans at several points of the broadcast. Of course, the Horned Frogs abetted the hideousness by donning some of the most astoundingly putrid uniforms in all of North American football, officially bitch slapping Oregon for gridiron leisure suit infamy. Boolah-boolah.

Paper Tiger

A new take on the Tiger trail:
http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2010/02/tiger-woods-201002?printable=true. Interesting that Bissinger uses Clooney's character from Up in the Air to compare to the empty shell that Tiger seems to have built for himself. Tiger has/had it all but not a clue to what really matters. He's not alone: we all struggle to find out the essentials of existence and you get a little better idea of that as you age, but it's still largely a goal that's out of our grasp. Maybe that's why a lot of people on their deathbeds seem to attain a measure of harmony; a calm glow--maybe that's when you figure it all out and your mind exclaims, "Ah-hah!" before the lights go out. Then again, it might just be the morphine. Anyway, the Tiger deal will either add or detract from that whole "golf as a metaphor for life" shit and for my money, golf is not a metaphor for dick, unless you, of course, ascribe it as a lesson in the outright cruelty of the world. I've had enough ass-ugly lies in the rough to prove that. In spades.

Movie Round Up

Saw four movies over the "holiday" season, including the last, It's Complicated yesterday evening. Here's a brief rundown:

Sherlock Holmes: Downey is a first class thespian and Jude Law's Watson is more in keeping with what Doyle may have had in mind. Otherwise, it's okay but too short on sleuthing and too long on superhero action stuff.

Invictus: Another Eastwood effort that refreshes for no other reason than you don't have to be 13 years old and/or an idiot to enjoy it. That said, it's the kind of movie that should be made for 13 year olds because it is both entertaining (first rule of the "craft"--I hate that word) and educational. Freeman is splendid as Mandela. When his character chastises an ANC meeting for its vote to do away with the rugby team, Springboks and their colors (long associated with apartheid) because that only serves to punish and bring them down to the level of their oppressors and further alienate a country sorely in need of unity, it's a topical lesson for today. Eastwood does that kind of thing without being heavy handed, something that's apparently out of reach in the rest of Hollywood. In other words, he makes his point without lecturing. Otherwise, a little rugby action and all and all, not a bad few hours to sit back and watch.

Up in the Air: once again, a movie for grown ups and a fairly interesting story with a few turns here and there. Clooney is excellent as the uber road warrior who has no life outside of his self imposed exile from relationships and career away from anything resembling a family and four bedrooms and a lawnmower. If you're in bidness, you'll relate to aspects of the story in ways you might have to Glengarry Glen Ross.

It's Complicated: not necessarily for grown ups but teenagers will probably wretch at the sight of Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin doing the nasty, so that's a good thing. It's got Streep as a kind, successful without too much effort woman running a gorgeous bakery that makes the most gorgeous culinary creations, and lives in a gorgeous Spanish style house with a gorgeous architectural project in the works to make it even more gorgeous, and a gorgeous garden with gorgeous tomatoes, and gorgeous friends to share chardonnay, and gorgeous kids who drive correct cars, and two gorgeous men--Baldwin and Martin (well at least one gorgeous one) lusting after her. In short, it's female porn. Don't know if a "male" version is in the works with Baldwin assuming the Streep role and his suitors played by Jenna Jameson and Tera Patrick but I'll keep my eyes open for it. Anyway, lots of forty and fifty something women in the audience and I'm pretty sure most of them had to change their panties after it was over. You are a guaranteed lock, LOCK to score after taking this in with the missus but stop off somewhere first to ply her with a couple of cosmos in order to upgrade to multiple positions. That is, unless and until of course you return home to find a sick teenager throwing up all over the place which then throws the spousal unit out of overdrive and into the mother and pajamas gear. Just great. Anyway, some pretty good laughs along the way and as far as chick flicks go, this one isn't that bad to sit through.

All that said, the best movie I saw over the last week was one I caught yesterday while visiting my mom and it's one I've seen probably fifteen times; In Harm's Way which was showing on TCM. Shellback doesn't like it because of it's decidedly awful special effects (it was made in 1965 and the rather brief naval action is pretty amateurish, especially in today's light). But, it's mostly a movie about some pretty strong characters and the cast is above and beyond first rate: John Wayne, Kirk Douglas, Patricia Neal, Burgess Meredith, Brandon de Wilde, Bruce Cabot, etc., etc. Preminger and whomever he had helping him had a great eye for the Hawaii at and after Pearl Harbor. The bitch slap scene with Douglas and Patrick O'Neal is worth the price of admission itself. The movie doesn't even get close to mention in terms of, say, the fifty or even hundred best films of all time and there is nothing, NOTHING being made today that even gets close to it. There are others like it that I have to watch whenever I'm channel surfing and stumble onto it--we all have them. A final note on Preminger's film: the sex is inferred but far sexier than anything overtly shown today. In fact, it's downright racy and we're in 2010. That is, ladies and gentlemen, a lost, lost art.