Found this Cigar Aficionado piece on P.J. O'Rourke from '98 that is pretty good:
http://www.cigaraficionado.com/Cigar/CA_Profiles/People_Profile/0,2540,81,00.html. Read it all the way to the end, including the last part where he gives you his definitions of Democrats and Republicans. I was actually searching for the lost piece in an unknown issue of National Lampoon of the famous Alexander Haig sketch titled, "Anal Dynamite Masturbation." Essentially, Al Haig gets up on a table during a tense dinner meeting with his Soviet counterparts and proceeds to "furiously masturbate into a Faberge egg cup" with a lit stick of dynamite stuck in his ass. Then with a "satisfying grunt" he makes a deposit into the cup, hands it to the Soviets, and offers a toast to the glory of the Russian Motherland. "The Soviets had no choice but to drink" concluded the piece. I've got to find it, so if you locate it, let me know. Seriously, this article exists since I can still quote parts of it after not reading it for thirty or so years. Great magazine, National Lampoon, to pen such brilliance. Outside of George MacDonald Fraser's Flashman series, it will never be topped.
http://www.cigaraficionado.com/Cigar/CA_Profiles/People_Profile/0,2540,81,00.html. Read it all the way to the end, including the last part where he gives you his definitions of Democrats and Republicans. I was actually searching for the lost piece in an unknown issue of National Lampoon of the famous Alexander Haig sketch titled, "Anal Dynamite Masturbation." Essentially, Al Haig gets up on a table during a tense dinner meeting with his Soviet counterparts and proceeds to "furiously masturbate into a Faberge egg cup" with a lit stick of dynamite stuck in his ass. Then with a "satisfying grunt" he makes a deposit into the cup, hands it to the Soviets, and offers a toast to the glory of the Russian Motherland. "The Soviets had no choice but to drink" concluded the piece. I've got to find it, so if you locate it, let me know. Seriously, this article exists since I can still quote parts of it after not reading it for thirty or so years. Great magazine, National Lampoon, to pen such brilliance. Outside of George MacDonald Fraser's Flashman series, it will never be topped.
7 comments:
Ok, so this will be completely off topic. I am shamelessly posting an entry of interest to me on your blog.
I ran across a list of the worst cover songs ever recorded and was entertained by it. Any additions or deletions?
1. Behind Blue Eyes Limp Bizkit
2. Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds William Shatner
3. Feel Like Making Love Kid Rock
4. American Pie Madonna
5. Stairway To Heaven Dolly Parton
6. September Gurls Bangles
7. Dock Of The Bay Michael Bolton
8. Sweet Child O' Mine Sheryl Crow
9. My Generation Hillary Duff
10. I Love Rock 'N' Roll Britney Spears
this one is right up there http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvPugOWeZiA
I've thought of that NatLamp Al Haig piece a few times lately myself and stumbled across your blog trying to find it.
Was it by O'Roarke? I'd like to think so, I always liked him and it certainly was in his style.
I vaguely remember the "furiously" part being Haig "pistoning" the lit stick of dynamite into his fundament, the point being it was a kind of macho race between his ability to finish himself off into the faberge egg and the fuse running out on the dynamite. As he finished, he tamps what's left of the fuse out on his tongue (right after the grunt). Classic Lampoon - highbrow and profane at the same time. The Onion sometimes comes close now, but never quite matches the (admittedly uneven) Lampoon at it's best.
Don't know if it's P.J. but i'm going to find out: I shelled out about fifty bucks the other day and bought the 1970-1980 ten year anthology off an out of print dealer. Unless, of course, the bastards published it in 1981.
Well, Haig just passed.
Didn't beat the fuse this time, I suppose.
I'm hopeful that he went out with a satisfying grunt.
I also remember 'Anal Dynamite Masturbation' and have been trying to find it online. What kind of world are we living in that the entire National Lampoon has not been copied to the Internet long ago? I have briefly wondered if PJ Orourke might have paid to have all traces of this article deleted. Probably not. It's just not being treated with the importance it deserves.
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