Bad Threads

Here's a piece on some all time worst sports uniforms:
http://www.uniwatchblog.com/2010/06/27/and-the-worst-uni-combo-ever-is/. This is a highly subjective area and everyone has an opinion (along with that useful other thing). Sure, the Bengals look hideous but they are far and away not the worst. Some peeves:

1. The dark jersey/dark pants look in football. Worst offenders: Arizona Cardinals, TTech Red Raiders, Tenn Titans, and the former Heinz Pickle look of the Guy Morris Baylor Bears (green helmet, jersey, pants). Note: as a long suffering Baylor alum, few things are worse than seeing your team emerge from the tunnel decked out in this monstrosity. God must have laughed his ass off--the other teams did and kicked the dog shit out of the Bears to prove it.

2. The use of teal and purple. It became trendy sometime in the 90's and last held up well about five minutes after it was introduced.

3. In baseball, wearing dark jerseys either as the home or away team. Home teams should wear white and road teams should wear gray. Anything else and you look like a slow pitch softball team. Stop it.

4. In basketball, the wearing of the enormous, voluminous clown shorts especially in the college ranks. Made even worse when white guys do it. Cease and desist.

5. Phil Mickelson's strangely tight shirts and short short sleeves. No offense, Phil, but you need some room. Not as chubby as you used to be but still, either move up to XL or buy the sports version of the manzeer.

Chairman Mao Wants You...

...if you're a white guy who could use a grand or so a week for standing around in a suit and shaking hands
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2010/07/rent-a-white-guy/8119. So, quit your whining about affirmative action and go east young white man--they could use some out of work pasty faced banker types over there.

Jillette Speaks

Vanity Fair interviews Penn Jillette--the one who talks:
http://www.vanityfair.com/online/oscars/2010/06/penn-jillette-is-willing-to-be-a-guest-on-adolf-hitlers-talk-show.html?printable=tr. Read it and you'll have a new perspective for your Tuesday.

Last Blast from Hopper

The muckety mucks at Interview Magazine were pals with Dennis Hopper and he sat down with them prior to his death for an interview that is being published in two parts. Do yourself a favor and read the first part here:
http://www.interviewmagazine.com/film/dennis-hopper/. Damn, what a fascinating guy who packed a lot into his life--you get to see him up to "Easy Rider" in the interview. Knew where all the skeletons were buried, too. The stuff he brings up about James Dean and Natalie Wood and the sets on "Giant," etc. are just too good to miss.

Just too little of Hopper for me. Wish we still had him.

Spill Perspective

Nature can bounce back quicker than a lot of people realize:
http://www.newsobserver.com/2010/06/13/530250/after-big-1979-spill-a-stunning.html. Maybe.

Bourdain

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703685404575307042002589752.html?mod=ITP_pageone_1. Mrs. Bulba enjoys watching his "No Reservations" show, which means that Mr. Bulba gets to watch it, too. It's fairly entertaining at times--Bourdain eats a lot of interesting stuff from around the world and isn't some fussy foodie type, eschewing lamb for tofu or something. However, I did see an episode where he traveled to Provence in order to hang with the frogs and he did his level best to suck up to them and slaved away cooking some regional specialty of theirs only to have them do the typical frog turn of the nose at what he presented. Ungrateful bastards--he should have turned the Wehrmacht on them.

Jimmy Dean, RIP

Interesting write up:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703685404575307042002589752.html?mod=ITP_pageone_1. He did okay for a country ass from Plainview. And, if you've ever been in or around Plainview, that's much more than an understatement. Also, I'm now hungry for some pan fried sausage.

Vampires Explained

Michael Sims says that he now understands how the whole vampire thing came about:
http://chronicle.com/article/All-the-Dead-Are-Vampires/65829. In short, Victorians and others were very familiar with death and dying and had frequent access and observation of corpses. Hence, they ascribed some of the more odd and ghastly features of decomposition to nefarious causes and the vampire became popular, with Anne Rice and now legions of females the happy beneficiaries. I'm not sure that you can find a network now that doesn't have some type of vampire inspired programming--chicks dig it. I read one of Rice's books (I think it was "The Vampire Lestat") and it was marginally entertaining and interesting in her description of how vamps operated and the overall technical aspects of being a ghoul but the relentless gay theme of her stuff got a little old. I've since learned that women are somewhat fascinated about the world of gay men and that most of the bodice rippers that feature gay men (would that be instead, "crotch rippers?") are written by women for largely female audiences. Yeah, that's just a tad strange but we report and you decide.

I liked Coppola's vampire treatment in his "Bram Stoker" vehicle which featured Gary Oldman as Vlad the original impaler of people who pissed him off. Not bad.

Realignment Buzz

Realignment (both real and speculative) is the sports beat bomb right now, particularly of the Big 12 variety. Some thoughts:

1. Money talks, bullshit walks.

2. Current buzz is that the Big 12 will live, with the Holy Trinity of Texas, OU, and A&M receiving a larger share of a reported to be named television contract, with the seven dwarfs receiving a smaller, albeit much larger than today share of coinage. If this is true, representatives from several or all of the remaining schools are gratefully genuflecting toward Austin as we speak.

3. Colorado appears to have shit in their own mess kit. And, all of the noise and the Pac 10 walks away with a party school with fading athletic fortunes? What a turn of events.

4. Nebraska goes to the Big 10 and gets to sit out in the cold and get spit on by bitter rust belt fans. That Tom Osborne is one crazy guy.

5. Baylor probably thinks that Yahweh threw in on this deal--they were headed to the front range of the Mountain West only to be immersed in the healing waters of flowing Big 12 money, courtesy apparently of officially atheistic Texas. DeLoss Dodds goes on the name of the new religious studies building in Waco and some lucky faculty/administrative staff member is on call each day for the rest of Dodd's natural life should he desire a Lewinsky moment.

6. Some talk of the Aggies moving to the SEC. Wrong, Aggies, wrong. Wrong again. Not correct. Get in line behind DeLoss and let him talk. When the cash comes in the new Big 12 TV deal, thank the gentleman and go back to your seat.

7. More on Baylor: if it works out, they should enjoy the breath of relief and shot to the wallet but should also maybe make some serious contingency plans for the next go around--I'm thinking they're not so lucky next time. Some lunch dates and gift baskets to the Mountain West commissioner would be a good idea. Otherwise, win some more football games.

8. Lots of message board/letters to the editor smack during this period--much of it in the form of T-sip/Aggie variety but also a lot of vitriol directed toward Baylor, mostly by Longhorn faithful. "Don't belong/can't compete/don't deserve" is most often mentioned. Lots of spite and underlying resentment present and it seems likely that each letter writer's girlfriend/wife/gay lover was once figuratively screwed by a Baylorite. They can't fill up a stadium worth a shit, but those Bears are born again rock stars in the sack. Chicks dig a hymn well sung.

9. It's June and all everyone is talking about is college football. Cased closed--it's THE game.

10. Oh, this soccer deal they're having in Africa or wherever. Fans continuously blow horns due to the combined effects of a low IQ and relentless boredom. Games end "Nil-Nil" and pandemonium and unbridled celebration erupts. Actual victories and/or scores result in multiple orgasms and the sighting of unicorns. Shamefully, the United States has allowed itself to participate, further paving the way for our decline as a nation. I blame it on Seattle and Connecticut. Goddamn weenies.

11. I miss the SWC.

Dick and Liz Could Party

If you thought of yourself as a fair hand at partying, read this and you'll realize that you're an amateur:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703433704575303743290834292.html?KEYWORDS=richard+burton. 23 tequila shots would pretty much deep six most of us, but Burton was an Englishman, with a system derived from centuries of Anglo Saxon drunkenness and not so selective breeding. Taylor's still kicking though she long ago became daffy from all of the booze and penis worship. My favorite Burton role is in "Night of the Iguana." Great pic and it put Puerto Vallarta on the map. After the movie and the stories of Burton, Liz, John Huston, and Ava Gardner all blowing it out and amazing the locals with tequila and cigarette consumption, everyone wanted to go there (or Acapulco) to do the ugly gringo thing. Largely succeeded at it, too.

On Call

Crazy kids these days like to text rather than call:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704312104575298590730890292.html?mod=WSJ_Opinion_LEFTTopOpinion. With a current teen daughter and one now a new ex-teen, I have learned this--they are rarely available (meaning, they just don't want to bother) to answer phone calls, especially those placed by dads who are no doubt inquiring about an urgent financial matter resulting from a just opened American Express bill. No, they aren't even that fond of email--seldom checked and then just skimmed. What they do with wild abandon is text and more text. If you don't believe me, take a look at the cell phone bill of anyone who has a teen with a phone--you won't believe the number of text minutes--sometimes even more than the amount of minutes thought to be humanly possible or that actually exist as we know them. Staggering.

As also pointed out in the piece, women; specifically the mothers of these teen daughters like to talk...a lot. Sure, they text some and check email a little but what they do is have one long phone conversation after another to friends, moms, sisters and other female types. Sometimes husbands but those are mostly of the task variety which is a nice way of saying that they were too busy talking to their friends to go to the grocery store/cleaners/pharmacy/whatever and can you do it on the way home? Yeah, those kind of calls. Here's a Father's Day hint, ladies: instead of buying him something fairly useless, make a call to him that he'll like--you know, the one where you tell him you're at home alone and not wearing much and could he possibly stop by for a little R&R--that kind of call. Costs a lot less than a cordless power drill.

Duke

John Wayne died on this date thirty one years ago. By all accounts, a swell guy to run with and no one since has come anywhere near approximating what made him unique. He wasn't a Brando or Dean but was a tremendous actor, nevertheless and combined with his physicality--they just don't come much better. A damn smart fellow, too--ever hear him interviewed about the acting craft or directing or movie making? Impressive. Also, he took a leak into Ward Bond's whiskey flask which should count for something. Salud, El Duque.

Distressing

Says here that "The View" is highly influential among middle aged American women as a first stop for their news: news:http://online.wsj.com/article/SB20001424052748704575304575296371206044884.html#mod=todays_us_nonsub_pj. My question for women is how can this not be more embarrassing? Or, am I just out of touch and tone deaf? I don't know, but anything that features the yammering of Joy Behar and Woopie and Baba--especially when it comes to politics or serious news--is something that I'm not going to be interested in seeing. Then again, I'm not a woman. Allegedly.

Pictured here is Elisabeth Hasselbeck or whatever her name is who is the lone "conservative" member of the panel (a somewhat common network news practice). I have no idea if Elisabeth is an idiot or smart or annoying but she's a helluva lot better to look at than the rest of the lineup.

Sammy

Interesting and resonantly sad piece on Sammy Davis, Jr. and how he turned his back on his true talent (mimicry and dancing) to get as close to being white as possible:
http://www.city-journal.org/2010/20_2_urb-sammy-davis-jr.html. Later, when being black became fashionable, he desperately tried to re-up but his street cred was long gone.

It's never pretty watching people attempting to be something that they're not. At lunch, caught a bit of what I guess is the opening ceremonies for the World Cup thingy. Featured were performers engaged in some fairly obvious African dances, with musicians doing the African drum thing in accompaniment. Here and there you could see a young white South African girl attempting to do the same. Doesn't work. Oh, also, golfers should be prohibited from doing (better yet, attempting to do) a high five or any other like movement effortlessly performed by black people the world over. Never once executed properly or without obvious clumsy discomfort in the entire history of the PGA. Even Tiger looks bad attempting it and he's at least 30 or 40 percent black or something. Maybe the problem there is that his caddy is a goofy white guy from Australia. Anyway, white guys (especially white golfers) should always offer a conventional handshake or fist bump as those moves are difficult to screw up. On the other hand, black guys should never, ever participate in an "Up with People" chorus or drive a Subaru, not that a black person has ever even been inside a Subaru--lesbians snatch them off the lot before they can even get a test drive. Racists.

A Head Shaker

Always for me, at least, when it comes to liberal thinking and the interesting double standard as applied to Israel and those who want to bulldoze or nuke it. Brett Stephens describes the interesting effect:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704002104575290632731499128.html.

Also, Bar Raefeli is an Israeli. Just saying.

Still There

According to this, Funafuti and other Pacific islands are not shrinking, after all:
http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/health-science/pacific-islands-have-not-shrunk-new-scientist-study/story-e6frg8y6-1225875124464. When I was a kid, I recall asking the old man "what was the prettiest" island he was ever on during his time in the Pacific during the Big War. He told me, "Funafuti" which I thought was bullshit or made up or mispronounced--he could mangle pretty much any word or place name. I guess he wasn't that full of shit--Funafuti lives. They're probably damn glad not to have a bunch of Marines running around there, though, pissing all over the place and such.

Out of His League

Jerry Craft, a cracker from West Texas, spent two seasons playing in an all black semi-pro baseball league:
http://www.wacotrib.com/sports/Brice-Cherry-A-white-man-in-a-black-league.html.

I went to school and played sports in what, I guess, was a relatively racially charged time--most of my fellow students and teammates who were black didn't seem to thrilled to be around us white devils. We didn't have anything resembling open warfare; only small time depredations and they were always of the black on white variety and never the other, contrary to what you see in television dramas concocted by people who had no real first hand experience with being working class in the South and on the front lines of the great American racial divide. The big lesson that we learned regarding race was that black people were no worse and no better than anyone else--they were capable of being nice or being jerks. Craft learned that lesson, too. Hollywood and certain political types never have.

Hanson on the Euros

VDH pretty much nails it (in my humble opinion):
http://www.victorhanson.com/articles/hanson060310.html. We're about to see an end of an era in comfy Euro-living. And, we're not off the hook, either.

Amanda Hanshaw (pictured at right) has nothing to do with the current economic challenges facing Europe or the United States that I am aware. She just has that sort of mysterious, Eastern Euro look going for her and has probably rode on a Vespa and been to Paris, so I thought maybe I could work her into this.

Today's PSA

Courtesy of Mindy West, who explains why you don't even want to think about seeing this, even if you're backed up to your ass in owing your wife/significant other your presence at a chick flick:
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/burkas-and-birkins/Content?oid=4132715.

P.J. Deals Cards

O'Rourke on his idea of "pre-obits" to save newspapers:
http://www.weeklystandard.com/articles/not-dead-yet?nopager=0. He sharpened his pencil (and knife) for this one. Enjoy. Also, Gore Vidal (pictured here) has also been recently outed as a hack by no other than the guy he once anointed as his own successor as grand dame of arts and letters, Christopher Hitchens. That one stung. Still recall some documentary I once saw on Vidal where he was holding court around his table at his villa in Italy. He'd let loose with one pithy salvo of contempt at the hideousness of America one after another as his guests/sycophants, which included the smirking Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon, smiled and fawned approvingly. Hey, Tim: you threw like a fop in Bull Durham and your wife had/has all the aura of a skank with "Property of the Bandidos MC" tattooed on her sagging ass.

Memorial Day Weekend Round Up

Big weekend for war movies on TCM, etc. including Kelly's Heroes, which I have seen no fewer than 68 times but watched, yet again, yesterday when it came on just as I was finishing up a dinner of various grilled meat products. Wonderful film. Here's a link for some overlooked WWII movies including "Command Decision," starring Clark Gable:
http://bighollywood.breitbart.com/jjmnolte/2010/05/31/memorial-day-top-5-great-wwii-films-you-might-have-missed-2/?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+BigHollywood+%28Big+Hollywood%29&utm_content=FaceBook.

Some other random Memorial Day neuron firings:

Clint Eastwood was eighty (80) years old yesterday. Watched an hour and half thing on his life in films that debuted on TCM last night. Not bad. Can't believe that Clint is 80. Also, hard to believe that "Unforgiven" was made 18 years ago--doesn't seem that long ago.

Worked my ass off in the yard under the direction and supervision of Mrs. Bulba and my lower back just called in to register a polite complaint.

Some things that I have decided that I don't care about:

1. The World Cup. I see no reason to go on attempting to like soccer and I have given it an honest effort. The games (I don't give a shit about calling them "matches") are largely pointless affairs, where spectators supply whatever action is to be had by drinking excessively, vomiting on one another, blowing whistles (or each other), and singing tunes that would be judged as highly gay in any Division I college football setting. And, don't get me started about persons who enjoy all the benefits of living and working in these United States but will heartily boo the same when they're up against "Los Tris" or whatever country that they have decided is most "in their heart." Fuck. Them.

2. The NBA Finals: I don't care. I have no interest. I'm not alone. This is what worries David Stern. It should.

3. "Assembly Required." Okay, I'm not good with mechanical issues and it's a cross that I bear but I'm done with idiotic instructions and missing parts and the hassle of cramming it all back in the box and returning it. Sell it to me as a turn key deal or I pass. And for the record, Loew's and Home Depot have some major suck issues going on.

The 1,000th American casualty in Afghanistan came and went last week and it was buried somewhere in the middle of your paper of choice. Couldn't help but think, "where's the outrage?" No, not from me but from the press, media, various interest groups, etc. Had BusHitler been president, such a milestone would have been met with front page leads and there would have been tons of activists in the streets expressing outrage at American hegemony and holding candles and channeling the shit out of Joan Baez. Nope. Didn't hear much at all. Same deal on the oil spill in the Gulf. Bush would have been drawn and quartered by now and the French would have recalled their ambassador or refused to use American deodorant or both. Instead, President Obama has had to suffer only a few veiled whispers regarding what can only objectively be called his largely hands off approach to the situation. Funny how that stuff works, isn't it?

Dennis Hopper is in for the dirt nap. Too few films with him as far as I'm concerned and Hopper in "Blue Velvet" still scares the shit out of me. Another one that I didn't see any mention of was his role in "Red Rock West." Nice little picture if you ever get a chance to see it.

Bill White is running for the office of Texas governor and he's going around campaigning wearing an "open road" style Stetson. And, he looks like a complete goober in it, which is no doubt a source of intense delight for Rick Perry's campaign staff--they probably ejaculate every time White shows up on TV with it on his curiously odd head. You frequently see supporters at various Democrat events in Texas wearing western style hats. It's always seemed to me a rather obvious attempt to counteract the "wuss" factor that accompanies the party. Suggestion: stop doing it. Be who you are--wear your much loved rasta cap with pride.