Here's a real Hallmark moment for you: http://www.berkshireeagle.com/ci_11893799. In summation, it is alleged that a Ms. S. Lighten attempted to inseminate her "wife," Ms. J. Lighten with a turkey baster containing semen from the brother of Ms. S. Lighten. Apparently, Ms. J. Lighten didn't much like that idea and now lawyers, guns, and money are involved since the shit has hit the fan. What a heartwarming story from sunny Pittsfield, Massachussets, a spring break destination for the smart set. An interesting side note is that Ms. S. Lighten had apparently used aluminum foil as a container for her brother's semen before transferring it to the baster, which is probably something the marketing types at Reynold's Wrap had not considered in the company's long history of advertising. Smart lass, that Ms. S. Lighten. Probably a helluva cook, too.
I like the story because it demonstrates that lesbians (and gays) can be as wretchedly awful as the rest of the population, capable of unfortunate behavior and also ingenuity when it comes to improvisation with kitchen devices. I once used my wife's vegetable strainer to hold some salt water encrusted fishing lures that I had sprayed with WD-40 but wouldn't necessarily recommend this as it resulted in some really bad looks in my direction from Mrs. Taras for a couple of hours. Things eventually cooled off but a couple of Cordell Broken-Backs were unfortunately too far gone for further use. Anyway, the point floating around somewhere is that I think too much time is spent discussing how different people are--and both sides of the political spectrum are guilty here--and we should instead concentrate on the big things in life and move on. Like, quality turkey basters and why any home project I have ever attempted has involved at least five (5) trips to Loew's or Home Depot or wherever to get the right damn parts. There should be shuttles from Loew's on Saturdays to my neighborhood to service all of the poor saps who are doing the same thing, heading back to the return counter for yet another attempt at purchasing the correct toilet assembly. I woke up once on a Sunday morning many years ago, full of optimism and hope and then commenced to replacing a leaky outdoor faucet. When the plumber arrived an hour or so later with water gushing everywhere, he looked at me and simply said, "You tried to do this yourself, didn't you?" The lesson here is that a leaky faucet is really not so bad and it's best just to go ahead and play golf. Or, something.
Final note: I'm guessing that Ms. and Ms. Lighten do not resemble the couple shown above.
1 comment:
It's not often that one blog covers semen, turkey basters, strainers, WD-40, fishing lures, and plumbing. Don't know if it means 1) you have a really eclectic thought process 2) you can't assemble a single cogent yet shocking explanation of anything 3) you should never attempt any form of manual effort which requires logic and forethought or 4) all of the above.
Do you choose the photos to match the topic(s), or do you post random, loosely connected thoughts in order to rationalize the need for the photos?
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